I could not pick a title for this entry. I did not want it too sound "poor me, my Mom is gone for Mother's Day", I did not want to make it funny or attention getting or prideful. I just want to "talk". I want to say how honored I am to be a mother. Thanks to the generosity of two women who made the sacrifice of carrying children and then giving them up for adoption, my lifelong wish to be a Mom was fulfilled. I knew just how I was going to do everything to take care of these gifts. Of course, that is not the way things work out, you have to learn the role of being a Mom. Heart and desire is not enough. You have to make mistakes, learn and go on. You have to accept that children are NOT lumps of clay that you can mold into your wants, they are their own special composition, and lucky the person who knows and works with that at an early stage. I KNEW that I was not going to do certain things, like say "Because I said so" or "I'm the Mom, just do it". I wish I had a nickle every time I said that during the teen years. I started out so methodically explaining why things are done a certain way, at a certain time, just to be sure that all the info that I had was clear to the kids. That is how the famous blank stare and eye-rolling phase begins in kids. And all the time, I was doing what I thought was best. One child had special needs, one child had a desire to do it all, and every step I took with one pulled me away from the other. How do Moms of so many children cope? Not just physically, but mentally. I was working during most of my kids upbringing-just as my Mom was. I made sure that all their appointments were scheduled on Monday, my day off-I worked at one job where I put in all my hours in 4 days to keep a day available. As we know, children do not all have their needs on a scheduled basis, so changes happened. Sometimes my bosses understood, sometimes they didn't, sometimes I was the boss and did my best to accommodate the needs of Moms.
The part I remember most is the stress to have them to daycare on time, no puking in the car, no last minute diaper change, no problems with old cars, no last minute hissy fits, just so that I could be to work on time-I was never early to work as a young Mom, and anyone who knows me will understand how that also stressed me-I always wanted to be the employee who could be counted on. But, I had children who needed to count on me too, so it was what it was. I wish I knew that helpful phrase back then "It is what it is".
And, after work was a running battle to be at day care before they closed, all the while working at a job that had emergency situations. I tell you, I am blessed that never once did I have an accident or get a ticket on one of those "running late days". It must have been the guardian angel of mothers watching over me.
As the kids got older, and no longer needed outside care before and after school, that was no easier, financially yes, but in all other aspects no. The phone calls to work were always a cause for concern, "she is bothering me", "he is yelling at me", "so and so is fighting with me outside", and my all time favorite "the leg of the kitchen chair broke off". WHAT? a heavy wooden captains chair-the leg broke off, and no one saw it, no one heard it? Oh Lord.
But just as many times as I was stressed, I was blessed, sometimes it was unfortunate that I was only thinking about the worries, and not noticing the great parts, but that is what life is. I have two kids that I love dearly, and now I can say that I would not change a thing about them, lesson learned late, but lesson learned.
I was always trying to make things right, make things good, make things different than what I had as a child-and that is too bad in a way, because I now count what I had with my family as it was as good memories. "Everything is RELATIVE". I am sure it all stays the same from generation to generation, little changes, but basically just the furniture changes.
The thread that pulled all together in the end was the commitment to love. And that is why I am "poor me, my Mom is gone". The more I reflect on my mothering, the more I miss my Mom. She did love us and our kids and grandkids, she did her best, which at the time was not always the way other Moms did things, but better than a lot of Moms. It is so hard to not have her available to share the everyday stuff with. Tonight I am making pork chops for supper, we are not really fans of pork chops, but I won them recently (we have fun here in smalltown USA), and so I am cooking them, and the house smells like Matka's house, and she would have loved to have tasted them, and, and, and.........
Happy Mother's Day to all my SFriends, if you have your Mom, God Bless you and her, if you don't, God Bless you and her, if you are not a Mom, I am sure you helped Moms everywhere in your life, and gave children comfort, so God Bless you too.
This blog was "cooked' over several days, and in today's Buffalo News(paper), there were three articles about Mothering. None are the typical Mom and apple pie stories, but they are all honest, and in the end that is all we have-our own truth.
Happy Mother's Day SReaders.
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