Too late to say hello

I was reading a blog this morning and the question was "Is there anyone you did not have a chance to say goodbye to?"
 Of course, it would be Mom.... I think people in a coma can hear, I am convinced of it,so I said all I wanted and needed to say with her in those final hours,  but I would so wish I could look into those blue eyes that she allowed me to share and have her acknowledge that I am sending her on her way with love.
I think of her daily and say hello all the time, to her pictures, at the cemetery, when she drops a feather in my path.   Thank God I will never have to say goodbye to her again.

Then of course I would have listed my father, but the tragedy is, we never said hello.  Oh of course, I did see him, I have counted up visits as under 10 in my lifetime of 20.5 years that I was alive while he walked the earth.  Imagine that, less than a dozen visits from your father.  Occasionally the visits lasted a few days while he was "on the wagon" and looking for a place, and my kind-hearted Mom allowed him to stay, and another time, just before my oldest sister's marriage, he stayed with us so that he could "give her away". How generous of Mom to let him have that ritual when he did so little to earn the right.
I  always wished  that I would have had a father, no a DAD.  You know the kind, who cared about you, cherished you and protected you.  Unfortunately, I had the kind that I needed protection from.........

Enough angst from him, he has been dead for 44 years, You can't say goodbye if you never received hello.

I

am

going

to

let

go

of

the

"I

wonder

ifs,

and

the

pain

he

caused

me

in

so

many

ways."

I 

am

putting

s p a c e

between

his

memory

and

my

heart.